Feedback Power Dynamics
The hidden dynamics of soft and hard power at work can dramatically impact those who give or receive feedback. Understanding these dynamics gives you an advantage in increasing the likelihood you receive high-quality feedback and can land it with your peers.
Power isn’t just about roles or job titles. Tenure can play a significant role in the impact and perception of authority (e.g., I have to give feedback to this tenured staff engineer; I’m worried about how that may impact our relationship and future projects).
As a Principal Engineer, I’m aware of my role's privilege. This shows up mostly in perceptions that result in folks opting out of giving me feedback or changing the shape of the feedback. Some patterns I’ve observed include:
Filtering feedback or not sharing it at all
Staying silent or quiet when there is an opportunity to share a perspective
Bringing fears of retaliation
When I’ve had to give feedback to people with soft or hard power, I’ve found myself :
Overthinking my tone or word choice, almost ruminating on the conversation, and psyching myself out
Worry about being perceived as difficult or emotional
So often, I would end up saying nothing rather than risking something
I've experienced both ends. Early in my career, I tiptoed around offering feedback to senior folks, especially if I wasn’t sure how they’d react. Now, in a more senior role, I sometimes notice others' hesitation. It won't show up if I’m not actively inviting feedback and signaling it’s safe to share. And if I react poorly, it may never come back.
So if you are the person about to give feedback to someone who’s clearly in a position of power, consider the song below to allow you to manage it gracefully.
Navigate Feedback Power Dynamics with “Five Levels”
The “Five Levels of Feedback” song effectively navigates feedback by allowing you to test “how safe” the receiver is getting critical feedback.
I use this protocol with anyone I give feedback to. Every person starts at level 1 feedback. Regardless of level, each feedback is honest, but the level of vulnerability and transparency increases as we step through the five stages. I rarely start above a level 4 or 5, and because we haven’t established trust yet. Each level implies a stronger bond of trust between the recipients. A person who receives level 1 feedback well is now a candidate for level 2. And we build towards hoping to get to level 5.
I strive to get all teammates to level 5 feedback in every technical virtual team I run. Here’s a direct quote from the Attack Emulation Team principles I wrote:
Level 5 Feedback: We strive for level 5 out of 5 feedback loops where team members are vulnerable, transparent, and direct with feedback, enabled through a team culture of trust and psychological safety.
Sometimes, you give someone level 2, 3, or 4 feedback, and they don’t receive it well. I then drop down to the previous level and retro; how can I adjust my tactics and approaches with them to get to the next level? I may run this loop a few times until I find a strategy that works, allowing me to be more vulnerable and transparent. A few tactics I’ve had success with are:
Name the power dynamic out loud
Something as simple as:
“I know I’m in a <label position of power>, but I’d value your perspective.”
I often find that “time” is a safe word to label power, whereas being ultra direct (I’m the only Senior Principal Security at Netflix) doesn’t seem safe.
Signal feedback safety often, not just once
People calibrate based on your reactions over time. If you respond to hard feedback with curiosity, you reinforce that it’s safe. If you get defensive even once, it can make people more cautious next time. The same goes for giving; you need to provide feedback in a kind, direct, and positive way.
Ask for feedback in low-stakes moments to quickly accelerate past level 1
You can quickly iterate on level 1 feedback by giving more in-the-moment feedback or asking for it when you realize you may have messed up. Last month I did this:
“I may have become frustrated in this last meeting and upset the team. Did you pick up on that? Was there something I could have done to land the message better?”
Leverage those moments to build more trust, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you can move up in the levels.
When Feedback Becomes Retaliatory: How to Recover
(This is not legal or HR advice; it is just my perspective.)
Early in my career, I gave level 3 feedback once to a leader, and it didn’t go well. In future meetings, the person rarely asked for my input and generally turned a bit hostile toward me. While I thought dropping to level 2 or 1 would help, something was off, and our relationship didn’t improve. If you suspect you’re experiencing retaliation after giving feedback, here are a few steps to help protect you. This isn’t legal advice or HR guidance. Your company may have its own policies or protocols. When in doubt, refer to your company handbook.
Track your feedback interactions: Slack messages, emails, calendar invites, and summaries of verbal conversations. If you gave feedback in person, send a quick written recap (e.g., “Following up on our conversation today…”). Tracking gives you a record if you need to escalate or clarify events.
Work with your Manager directly: Start by sharing your concerns with your manager. They may be able to help navigate the tension or provide context you’re missing. Be specific and focus on behaviors, not assumptions about intent.
If needed, escalate to a skip-level: If your manager is unable or unwilling to help, consider contacting your skip-level leader. Frame your message around your desire to maintain healthy working relationships to show your positive intent.
Work with your HRBP (almost last resort). In my experience, HRBPs are primarily responsible for protecting the company from risk, not necessarily advocating for individuals. That doesn’t mean they won’t help, but you should go in with realistic expectations and solid documentation. Be prepared for an escalation and the consequences if mediation is required.
Call the ethics hotline (last resort): If your company has an anonymous or formal ethics reporting channel, it may be worth using, especially if the behavior feels retaliatory, targeted, or misaligned with your company’s values. It creates a documented trail.
This stuff is hard. I’m honestly nervous even writing this section up, but I hope it helps someone who’s been in this position. Retaliation for honest feedback shouldn’t happen, but sometimes it does. You’re not alone if it’s happened to you, and it doesn’t mean you did something wrong by speaking up. Just make sure you're protecting yourself and navigating with care.
Band Practice: Power Dynamics and Levels
This week's band practice focuses on leveling up our art of receiving feedback. Our sheet music this week is:
Choose one person where a power dynamic exists (you or they have more), name the dynamic when asking or giving Level 1 or 2 feedback, and observe how it lands.
Reflect on your level with them and retro one moment where power may have shaped feedback (positively or negatively). Use that to adjust your tactics next time and build toward more profound levels of trust.
If you are a subscriber, let me know how practice went and if there are other patterns you use for sharing perspectives that our community would benefit from!
I’m considering a break from feedback posts to discuss staff and engineering more. What are your biggest questions about staff engineering? Let me know!